So, without further ado, I bring you Pickleope...
Thank you to the Almighty Val, Provider of Mannequin Limbs, for allowing me the opportunity to invade her space. Any reader here knows that Val specializes in the offbeat, often disturbing. So I hope to do her proud by also injecting horrific mental imagery into your brains. Let's begin, shall we?
Martha Stewart and Anthony Hopkins used to date. And by "date," I mean "rubbed their wrinkly liver-spotted meat sacks together and made strangely accented moaning noises."
You know that thing Anthony Hopkins does in Silence of the Lambs after he talks about pairing human with a nice Chianti? "Ffftffftfftttfftt." He probably did that thing with his mouth ON Martha Stewart.
The good part about sex with Martha Stewart is, you know she cleans up everything right afterward or at least knows the best potpourri to pair with Anthony Hopkins/Martha Stewart sex stank. Also, Martha's hot. No getting around it, she's a pretty lady. She used to be a model! But she's famous because of how anal retentive she is. She turned OCD into an artform. Wait, I just put it together, "anal"! Of course! She probably also can crochet some sexy lingerie (can you imagine how itchy lingerie made from yarn would be).
Oh nothing, just a young Martha Stewart modeling with a cow. You're welcome.
So, I get why people want to get down with Martha, but that still leaves Anthony Hopkins. Who wants to get down with A-Hop? Is he such a great actor that he can act like an awesome lay? He often portrays fastidious characters, perhaps that's what attracted Ma Stew to Tony Hops.
He's gonna eat that kitten. Bye bye kitten. Enjoy becoming a Hopkins turd.
Regardless, let's take a trip to imagination land and picture their ultra-meticulous naked slappy time. It probably lasted hours, not the actual sex, but the preparation, finding the perfect angle, "how was that grunt? Let me have another take. Ugh--no wait--Ohagh", trying to glisten precisely, repositioning boob, trimming hair, testicle fluffing, labial makeup, and so on.
Alas, though, their relationship is no more, but for a brief moment in time, the most fussbudgety (someone has a thesaurus) sex in all of history between two geriatrics took place. Yes, there is magic in the world, kids.
Thanks again to the House of the Flying Platypi for this opportunity.