Fuck YOU Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs... I didn't mean it baby. You know I love you.

OMG... Just look at how beautiful it is!!!!

I have a real fucking problem with Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.  You can read more about my sad addiction and fat ass here.

You may be saying to yourself "Calm the fuck down, Val!  Easter is over!!"  And to that I ask you:  Do you know what happens after Easter??  REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS GO ON SALE!!!!!  And, they taste so much better when they're on sale.

WHY DO YOU HATE ME, GROCERY STORE?!?!

Last week, I spent the entire week dieting.  The family and I are headed on an epic pilgrimage down to Harry Potter Land in less than 3 weeks.  And I would like to shrink my ass a little beforehand.  I juice dieted like a motherfucking champ!!  Then, on Thursday the Eggs began to call to me.

This would have been me too...

So I ate one.

They still called.

So.. I ate one more.  Since I was TOTALLY gonna exercise and work it off ANYWAY!!! 

You know those assholes still called to me?!?  Still called to my soul, my very essence...  Peanut butter chocolatey goodness is a jerk like that.

GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!

This is the point I should have left the house.  Went for a walk to cool off, giving Eddie time to hide those god damn things.  I wish I could give you the happy ending that you are obviously begging me for.  But I can't...

Conversation between me and Eddie:

Me (shakily walking towards him with the 3 remaining eggs):  Look Eddie... there are only 3 left.  And if I just eat them, this will all be over.  It will be at an end.

Eddie:  Don't do it.

Me:  THIS MADNESS HAS TO END!!!!

Then I took all 3 eggs and shoved them into my mouth.  Sure, I felt sick, but the game was over and I LOST.  But it's ok.  I refused to play anymore. 

Somebody. Please. Help. ME.

And that's when it happened.

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW BOUGHT ME ANOTHER FUCKING BAG!!!!  IT'S LIKE SHE WANTS ME TO BE FAT!!!  She said the whole bag was on sale for a dollar.  So, I have locked myself in my room, refusing to even acknowledge their existence. 

Sigh... Who am I kidding.  If this were prison, I'd totally be their bitch.

I'll be your bitch any day, PB Eggs.