If you guys have been following the news in search of clues to when the Zombie Apocalypse will be starting, you're probably just as excited as I am. Shit got real with the breaking news of a Miami man eating the face off of a homeless person. Upon further reading, we come to find out that the he didn't stop until being shot like 6 times. Reports are kinda vague, but I would bet my sweet ass that the shot that brought him down was in his fucking head... BECAUSE HE WAS A MOTHERFUCKING ZOMBIE!!!!
|Totally fucking was.|
Next up? A man whom had barricaded himself in his house decides it would be a great idea to cut himself open and throw his intestines at cops. His. Fucking. Intestines. Where did this happen? New. Fucking. Jersey.
|Zombies in my backyard? Bring it!!|
And today reports of a man in Maryland eating a someone's heart and brain. I mean... Just.. WOW! Can you smell that?!? I do believe it's the smell of the Zombie Apocalypse. Or... Bad shellfish. Either way. It's fucked up.
|Are YOU prepared??!?!|
I know what you're thinking... "Valerie. What the fuck is up with you and the Zombie Apocalypse?" To this I reply... Into every generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One. One born with the strength and skill to fight the Zombies, to stop the spread of their evil and the swell of their numbers.
Ok... That MAY be the beginning of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer show. But it still holds true. I am here to defend you. To keep the human race protected from the Real threat of zombies.
|Zombies or vamps... I'm prepared. Just NOT clowns.|
In fact, not only have I been taking archery (because guns are too loud and will attract what We in the Industry call a "Herd"), but for Mother's Day/Zombie Awareness Month, my WONDERFUL husband, sister-in-law and brother put their funds together to get me a weekend away for ZOMBIE DEFENSE TRAINING!!!! Why, yes! It IS a real thing!!
I'll be further honing in on my shooting skills, first aid, melee combat and LEARNING HOW TO HOTWIRE A FUCKING CAR!!! It's all set up for July! I can't wait to tell you all about it!
|In the immortal words of Spongebob: I'M READY!!!|
So prepare yourself, my friends. For it is upon us. In fact, we should all come up with a meeting area. This way we can all head there and team up for some real ass-kickery!!! All suggestions welcome!
|Because no one wants to become one of these... EVER!|