When I was a girl of about 7, my parents threw me a birthday party. I think only a few people showed up. Then I remember my dad, after having indulged in too much Spirits, yelling at all the kids. Everyone went home after that... It was an epic birthday party fail.
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| Ahhh... A kindred spirit. |
Needless to say, I have since developed a fear that no one would show up should I throw one. Silly? Perhaps. But there is nothing sadder than a grown woman in a pointy hat crying whilst eating 10 lbs of cake.
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| There are some people in the world that look stunning when they cry. I am not one of those people. |
When I turned 30, I desperately wanted a party. But, I wanted it to be a surprise. So, when Eddie asked if I wanted him to throw me one I said, "No. It's ok. I really don't need one." When I should have said, "Fuck YEA throw me a party!!!!" Because Eddie is a guy. And guys will never EVER understand the whole girl thing. You know... When we say not to throw us a party because we don't want to have to tell you to throw us a party because we think that you should know that we really REALLY want a party and we want it to be a surprise!!!!!!!
Anyway, another partyless year went by and it was my own damn fault.
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| Get. In. My. Belly. Cake. |
Conversation between me and Eddie earlier this year:
Me: You should throw me a birthday party this year.
Eddie: You're gonna be 34 this year. No one has a 34th birthday party. It's ridiculous. I'll throw you one next year.
Me: No, I think you should throw me one this year. Because NO ONE will expect it! It'll be a surprise for EVERYONE! And then you could be all "You're welcome, motherfuckers."
Eddie: No, I don't think I'm gonna do that...
And That's when I birthed my most awesome idea yet... I am going to throw myself a surprise party!!!!
I'm thinking of having a post-zombie-apocalyptic theme. Come dressed as a zombie or survivor! Just don't tell me about the party... Because it's a surprise, guys!!!!
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| Natural Zombie Killer |
Yea, I know... It's a TOTALLY great idea! And if no one shows, I can blame Eddie for it. Because people would have come if he had thrown it. ;o)
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| We're coming for you, Eddie... |
This is awesome! Where are you, because I am most definitely not coming to your fucking party (because if I told you I was then it wouldn't be a surprise. Shh!).
ReplyDeleteLove your sense of humor--came over here from Telling Dad because I had to find out *exactly* what you meant by a fucking party... and found that I rather enjoy your style. I'll hang around a bit.
I'm not saying that I'm having a party (since it's a surprise!!), but if I were, it would be in NJ. :o)
DeleteThanks so much!! Welcome! YAY!!!!
Hugs!
Valerie
What a great idea! Just make sure you don't tell yourself about it by accident. I'm always telling myself things I'm trying to keep from me ... like where I hid that box of after dinner mints. Stupid loose lipped me, now I've got a belly full of minty chocolate and a guilty conscience.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure my clever plan had some flaws in it.
I am AWESOME at keeping secrets from me!!! Like that one time I ... Oh... Uhh... AWKWARD!
DeleteMinty goodness should never cause you guilt!!! Because I read somewhere that the mint when mixed with chocolate, not only becomes healthy, but also has no calories!!!
And everyone knows if it's on the internet it HAS to be true!! :o)
Hugs!
Valerie
What you need to do to ensure it comes off perfect is start drinking, then plan out the entire party. But it's important to keep drinking. Eventually you'll black out, forget you planned anything and, boom, everything is a surprise, a highly irresponsible surprise.
ReplyDeleteOh, and the only thing sadder than a grown woman in a pointy hat crying whilst eating 10 lbs of cake is if that woman is also wearing sweat pants in public.
This is good... Some might say the Perfect Plan. Sweet Tea Vodka and Lemonade here I come!!!!!
DeleteDid I mention that I have special stretchy cake eating pants? Because I hate it when my jeans mock me. ;o)
Hugs!
Valerie
The only type of surprise party I would ever want is one I planned for myself, so I am liking this brilliant idea. When is your birthday again?
ReplyDeleteMy mom threw me a surprise 16th birthday party. It was about as fun as your 7th. My birthdays have been tragically awful. It's a fact, unfortunately.
Oooh, and what if Eddie told you "no" to the party idea because he was already planning a surpise party and didn't want you to know? What if you get TWO surprise parties for your birthday this year??
I've never thrown a party before, but I'm pretty sure I will be awesome at it. Because I like alcohol. And I will make sure that everyone is drunk. :o)
DeleteTHAT. WOULD. BE. AWESOME! I think I'll make him feel TOTALLY guilty for not throwing me one so that he feels that he has to but not tell him about the surprise party that I will already be throwing me! This can't possibly go wrong!!
Plus... DOUBLE PRESENTS!!!!
I love your mind.
Valerie
Can I come? I live in PA, so can I come to the very Happy Un-Surprise Birthday Party. :)
ReplyDeleteSure you can!!! Just don't kill me and try to wear my skin or anything. Cuz... it'll be my BIRTHDAY. And that would be a shitty present. ;o)
DeleteHugs!
Valerie
A self planned surprise party. I love this. Jersey represent!
ReplyDeleteFuckin A, man... Fuckin A...
DeleteHugs!
Valerie