I just received a voice mail from Ms. Harris. She said she's picking up the potato salad and things were moving forward as scheduled. She'll see me on the 4th...
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| Bring it, Ms. Harris. |
Since I neither know a Ms. Harris nor have plans for the 4th, I'm left to wonder if the message was code for some kind of impossible mission I should be starting... or... a veiled threat... I fucking hate potato salad.
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| Fuck. You. Potato. Salad. |
So in order to cover all my bases, I have started saying things like "The grey man waits under the red umbrella at sunset." to everyone wearing a trench coat or a flower in their lapel. Also, in case the reverse is true, I have begun carrying a weapon on my person at all times in preparation to do battle with a potato salad wielding woman.
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| I've battled worse, Ms. Harris. |
If I go missing, please know that I am out there saving the world from potato salad and creepy old ladies.
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| You will die a peasant's death, potato salad. |
The salmon is in the garage, and Hercules has herpes. You know what to do. You know. What. To. Do.
ReplyDeleteI have picked up the package and am on my way. The sun rises in the river, my friend... The sun rises in the river...
DeleteHow can you hate potato salad? It's creamy, starchy, heart attack inducing goodness!
ReplyDeleteI am so weird when it comes to food. Ask Eddie. It drives him nuts. :)
DeleteThe Brown Cow Dispenses Chocolate Milk. GO!
ReplyDeleteWHOOOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOOOO!
DeleteTO THE SHANTY!!!!
Oh man! This makes me think of this weird text I got this weekend, ostensibly from my friend Jen. I say ostensibly, because it was in her thread, but when I asked her about it, she had no idea what I was talking about and it wasn't from her or in her thread. It was bizarre. I think I'll blog about it. Thanks for the idea! ;)
ReplyDeleteOh, and the bald eagle flies at night whilst stealing toupees.
Nothing is better than getting strange texts out of the blue. I sometimes sleep text. I will get up in the middle of the night and send a text and not remember anything until they respond the next day reminding me to put my pants on before work. Because apparently I had a real fear this would happen at 3am.
DeleteThe package is the toupee. It is on its way to England but will stop in Holland for a smoke. :o)
Potato Salad is pretty damn nasty. I'm just sayin.
ReplyDeleteOMG!! It totally is... I keep wondering if some chick is gonna show up out of nowhere tomorrow and mush some in my face. EWWWWWW!!!!! Potato salad in my hair will make me puke. No doubt!!
DeleteHugs!
Valerie
Ms. Harris has been neutralized. Potato salad averted.
ReplyDeleteThis message will self destruct in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
I saw this on the 4th. It made my day. I was able to remove my helmet and come out of the fort I built out of couch cushions... There was much celebration that day. Independence day indeed!!
DeleteDouble Hugs!
Valerie