Besides the plethora of signatures on Mannequin Arm and my Tick action figure, I procured 2 additional items at the now legendary Horror Convention.
|"Made with Unicorn Tears for extra healing power!"|
Yep, it's made with bits of real Unicorn, so you know it's good! Tested by my kids who agree that 60% of the time it works every time in making booboos heal faster than the leading brand of band-aids.
|Plus... It came with a FREE GIFT!!!|
The last thing I got was a Sasquatch air freshener. Now, when you see this, what do you think it would smell like?
|My guess would be pine needles.|
If you guessed "pine needles," you are FUCKING WRONG!!! No Final Jeopardy for you!! Now, go do a lap around the gymnasium!!!
If you guessed Sasquatch Ass, you deserve a prize... Because I did not see that coming. I know what you're thinking. "Valerie! Didn't you smell it before putting it in your car?!?" Well I fucking did! And I swear... Upon opening the thing, it smelled of piney goodness mixed with some unknown substance.
Later I realized that "unknown substance" was poo, guys... POO.
I realized this after coming back from a hard day of work to a car that smelled like a Sasquatch had broken in and took a dump on my dashboard. I had to roll all the god damn windows down to air my baby out.
|Exactly like this... But inside.|
Now ask me if I removed the offender from my car... Go ahead. Ask.
That answer would be NO!!! And this is why:
- I spent, like, $3 on that thing. And I'll be damned if I'm not going to get my money's worth. Even if the fucking thing smells like Sasquatch diarrhea.
- I collect car air fresheners and this lil puppy, although stinky, is pretty friggin sweet looking.
- The day we start doing things because they smell like dead Yeti is the day the Sasquatch win.
|Some of my sweet car air freshener collection|
So, you might be the temporary victor here, Sasquatch. But sooner or later, your stank will fade... Then who's the winner?
Well... Probably still you... But... At least... At least I fought like a champion.