|Proof that I'm not crazy. Well, I'm crazy, but not a liar.|
Now, I don't know if it was really a vampire and he just got one fang in or if it was a spider who was trying to get into my ear to have babies and got hungry along the way, but I am horrified. Especially if it was a spider. You guys know how I feel about spiders in my ears. What do I do now!?!?
I mean, is this how this new generation of pussy vampires roll? Too scared to attack like a bad ass Lost Boy and can only get one fang in? Am I going to look like a stripper in the sun now? All covered in glitter? I'll make a horrible vampire. I'm not a night person. Actually, I'm not a morning person either. I'm best early afternoon, I think. Also, I am definitely not financially stable enough to rock a vampire lifestyle. They always seem to have millions saved up somewhere deep in their manor. All I've got is a bunch of change in my car.
|I don't want to sparkle. Not like this.|
AND WHAT IF IT WAS A SPIDER?!?!? I read an article last week about a spider that crawled into a lady's ear in China. There is a picture of it in there and everything. Seriously... Click here. That could be in my ear right now!!! Because I'm sure that bastard wouldn't have given up with just the neck bite. He would have come back as soon as I fell asleep. Spiders are assholes like that. My. Ear. Is. So. Fucking. Itchy.
|This is an actual fucking picture of the spider that was in that chick's ear. He's just sitting there... PLOTTING!!!!|
What if it was some weird spider vampire hybrid that we don't even know about yet?!? I could wake up tomorrow like that guy from the fly movie. But worse! I'll be some hideous creature that will have to eat hobos and salespeople to survive. *breathes into paper bag*
|I won't go back to living like this... Not ever.|
I know... I'm ranting a bit. But we don't know what I'm turning into yet. Let's all pray that it's something cool, like Spiderman or Spiderbabe.
|I'm so not this lucky.|
|Her power was shooting webs from her vagina. I would be awesome at that!!!|