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| My work calendar even knows what's up |
We'll get more into the celebration that is VALTEMBER as the month continues. But first I want to share some exciting news with you regarding a fantastic item I procured through my "connections."
This story begins with a phone call from Eddie:
Ring.... Ring...
Me: Agent Nunez
Eddie: .... Really?
Me: It makes me feel important... Go on.
Eddie: I don't want to get you excited, but our friend who works at the bookstore found some dentures on a bookshelf while cleaning. Scared the shit out of her.
Me: WHAT?!? OMG... When I get old, I'm totally doing that. But I'm going to leave my teeth in public places, then hide and film the whole thing... Then I'll jump out like they've been Punked. Wait... Do you think Ashton Kutcher is behind this?
Eddie: Anyway... They are in Lost & Found now. And when the staff gets sick of playing with them, they're ours!!!
Me: SCORE!!!
Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. The very next day our friend sadly informed us that the teeth had been thrown out by some unknown douchnozzle that didn't want me to fulfill my Destiny. Luckily, Destiny decided that she and I were indeed going to have that date... And she was gonna order the lobster.
Another friend of mine has a dad who, as it turns out, makes teeth for a fucking living. Yes, you read that correctly. So, when I told her about my sadness she said she would talk to her dad. And do you know what happened next?
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| Best work present EVER!!! |
That's right!!! I came into work one morning and Stephanie had left this on my desk. COFFEE AND SOME FUCKING PARTIALS IN A PLASTER HOLDER!!!! Could this get any fucking better?!?
It could, guys... It really could. As it turns out, Stephanie's dad talked to a friend of his who was also about helping me hump Destiny. And although both her dad and her dad's friend think I'm crazy, this was on my desk soon after...
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| It's like I'm the God of Teeth |
At this point of my story, you may be thinking one of two things: 1. Wow... Valerie just may be insane. But, like... for real. 2. Why the fuck does she want those teeth? Ok... Calm down, perverts. I have a legit excuse. It's because the Chiller Horror Convention is coming up next month. And do you know who is gonna be there?!?
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| Naughty Girls also need to sign my fucking dentures |
SAMANTHA FUCKING FOX!! Now, if you're young and un-hip, you have no fucking idea who that is. But I do. I loved that bitch when I was little. It's like the time I met Tiffany. Do you know where I'm going with this? I think you do... I'm gonna be all "Miss Fox, will you sign my teeth?"
Oh fuck YEA I am!!! Why? Because I can!!! And also, I've always wanted to confuse a British person. I'm weird like that.... Don't judge me. Ok, judge me a little... Then get over it and hug me.
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| Seriously, Guys... The hugs are free. Bring your wallet tho. Just in case. |
Samantha Fucking Fox? Oh HELLZ yeah she needs to sign your teeth!
ReplyDeleteWait, I feel like I just drank some crazy kool aid or something. I never thought I'd type those words. I'm surprisingly ok with it. Mmmmm, cherry.
The trick is that I put cyanide in the kool aid for that special zing. ;o)
DeleteI think I must have jumped on the crazy train with you, because the only part of this entire post that I found odd is that Samantha Fox is going to be at a horror convention. It bothered me to the point that I jumped right over to IMDB to see what awesome horror movie Samantha Fox was in, yet I somehow missed. And.... yeah.... I'm still confused. I mean, don't get me wrong here. I'm fairly certain Sam Fox is personally responsible for jump starting me into puberty (holy hell I had a thing for her)... but I don't see the horror connection AT ALL. Aside from her song being on the soundtrack to Nightmare on Elm Street 5. Does that qualify someone for a horror convention?
ReplyDeleteTHAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I SAID!!! But after going to a few of these things, I have realized that sometimes, Horror Cons are where old celebrities go to die. Not all the time. You get your popular ones there, yes. But then you get others, like the dude from Nightmare on Elm Street part 3 who died first. He pretty much just doesn't want to get a real job.
DeleteI will be so fucking disappointed if Fox hit the wall and is fat and hideous now.
STILL don't know the reason behind the teeth, wouldn't the arm still do? Wouldn't "sign my arm" be just as good? Pardon my unhipness.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna be honest with you... I'm not sure the reasoning either. Just that I WANT THEM. That's really all I got. ;o)
DeleteA trip to the dentist AND free dentures! Who's a lucky birthday girl!
ReplyDeleteI AM!!! I AM!!!!
DeleteOK, frankly, this whole thing is disgusting. Samantha Fox? Why must you torment my soul?
ReplyDeleteShe better still be hot... even though she's like... 80.
DeleteOh, I sure remember Samantha Fox. I had a record album "picture disc" with a picture of her topless. Yowza.
ReplyDeleteApparently, she sang, too.
Yea. I heard about that... But I thought it was just rumor. :o)
DeleteI have to figure out a way to get my dad to leave some of his teeth on the bookshelf at Barnes & Noble. Just awesome.
ReplyDeleteOMG!!! He's gotta!! You could always pick them up in the lost and found later. Honest!!!
DeleteMake them bite her!!! Why? You have to ask why?? Because it's Samantha Fox! And after she signs those fuckers you can be all.. So yeah Miss Fox... BITE!! Then forever tell everyone that your fake teeth bit Samantha Fox... Awesomeness overload.
ReplyDeleteYou... You are on to something here. I'm TOTALLY gonna!!!!
DeletePS. I love you.
That's so awesome...but in reality, what poor old sap forgot his dentures at the book store? LOL I was in the dentist office the other day and the guy next to me was getting fitted for new dentures and he was like 100 years old and I felt so sad for him. :(
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I am too irresponsible to live to be 100.
I'd like to think it was a prank. Because, bookshelves are an unsanitary place to leave teeth. Maybe a gang initiation?
Delete