|My work calendar even knows what's up|
We'll get more into the celebration that is VALTEMBER as the month continues. But first I want to share some exciting news with you regarding a fantastic item I procured through my "connections."
This story begins with a phone call from Eddie:
Me: Agent Nunez
Eddie: .... Really?
Me: It makes me feel important... Go on.
Eddie: I don't want to get you excited, but our friend who works at the bookstore found some dentures on a bookshelf while cleaning. Scared the shit out of her.
Me: WHAT?!? OMG... When I get old, I'm totally doing that. But I'm going to leave my teeth in public places, then hide and film the whole thing... Then I'll jump out like they've been Punked. Wait... Do you think Ashton Kutcher is behind this?
Eddie: Anyway... They are in Lost & Found now. And when the staff gets sick of playing with them, they're ours!!!
Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. The very next day our friend sadly informed us that the teeth had been thrown out by some unknown douchnozzle that didn't want me to fulfill my Destiny. Luckily, Destiny decided that she and I were indeed going to have that date... And she was gonna order the lobster.
Another friend of mine has a dad who, as it turns out, makes teeth for a fucking living. Yes, you read that correctly. So, when I told her about my sadness she said she would talk to her dad. And do you know what happened next?
|Best work present EVER!!!|
That's right!!! I came into work one morning and Stephanie had left this on my desk. COFFEE AND SOME FUCKING PARTIALS IN A PLASTER HOLDER!!!! Could this get any fucking better?!?
It could, guys... It really could. As it turns out, Stephanie's dad talked to a friend of his who was also about helping me hump Destiny. And although both her dad and her dad's friend think I'm crazy, this was on my desk soon after...
|It's like I'm the God of Teeth|
At this point of my story, you may be thinking one of two things: 1. Wow... Valerie just may be insane. But, like... for real. 2. Why the fuck does she want those teeth? Ok... Calm down, perverts. I have a legit excuse. It's because the Chiller Horror Convention is coming up next month. And do you know who is gonna be there?!?
|Naughty Girls also need to sign my fucking dentures|
SAMANTHA FUCKING FOX!! Now, if you're young and un-hip, you have no fucking idea who that is. But I do. I loved that bitch when I was little. It's like the time I met Tiffany. Do you know where I'm going with this? I think you do... I'm gonna be all "Miss Fox, will you sign my teeth?"
Oh fuck YEA I am!!! Why? Because I can!!! And also, I've always wanted to confuse a British person. I'm weird like that.... Don't judge me. Ok, judge me a little... Then get over it and hug me.
|Seriously, Guys... The hugs are free. Bring your wallet tho. Just in case.|