As background, please note that Jazzy has reduced grown men to tears with a look. She's been like that since birth, when she almost immediately earned the nickname of "Baby Stewie". We are all convinced that she has a secret lab somewhere in the house (possibly underground) in which she is working on weaponry to one day take over the world. True story.
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| The Look usually looks like this. |
Jazzy: (farts on my yoga mat)
Me: It's bad yoga etiquette to fart on another persons mat...
Jazzy: Im sharing my love for you, Mommy. There is love in my farts.
Me: How do you figure?
Jazzy: Well.. it starts at my heart. And then goes down down down.. And comes out of my butt!!
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| Jazzy showing some superior dance class moves. |
(Me & Jazz running late for dance class)
Me: (mumbling incoherent curse words at other drivers)
Jazzy: What did you say mommy?
Me: Nothing. I was talking to the people that can't drive.
Jazzy: Ok. You were talking to yourself then.
Me: ......
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| The time Jazzy fell asleep on the stairs. I'm pretty sure she had a plan for this. |
Eddie: Why are you so grumpy tonight?
Jazzy: Because everyone is talking to me and I don't like it.
Eddie: Well... If she ain't a chip off the old block...
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| SNUGGLES!!!! |
Jazzy (On the toilet): I hope you brought your bathing suit cuz you're about to go in the poop pool!
Me: Huh?
Jazzy: My poops about to go swimming in the pool, mommy..
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| Jazzy's school project last year. She had to pick 100 things to glue on to paper... She picked eyes. |
Me: Jazzy!!! Sit down and stop moving!!!!
(5 mins pass.. I look over and see Jazz stuck the same position.)
Me: Jazz.. What are you doing?
Jazz: I'm not moving, mommy..
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| I am pretty sure that most of the time she's just fucking with our heads. |
Jazzy: (at the Zombie Walk) "Mommy... Im so tired. Being a zombie is tiring ... And... sticky..."
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| So. Sticky. |
Me: Jazz... What are you doing?
Jazz: These are my hunting clothes .. I'm going hunting.
Me: For what?
Jazz: Bad guys and zombies.. I have a bow & arrow...
Me: You're my hero.
Jazz: You're welcome. (leaves the room)
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| Bad. Ass. |
Nobody ever really discusses the stickiness of being a zombie. But, yeah, I could see that getting fairly sticky.
ReplyDeleteI love how 6 year olds have absolutely no filter. From deep, dark recesses of their polluted minds to the mouth without any concern for who might hear them.
We were at the Zombie Walk that they do every year here. I coated her in fake blood. She hated the stickiness of it. It was hilarious!
DeleteI too have a 6 year old, and fo sho, it's never ending! I love the poop pool comment! Hysterical!
ReplyDeleteDevan
I love the shit that comes out of her mouth. Half the time, I'm like "Who are you? And where did you come from?"
DeleteI don't think anyone could ever doubt that she's your daughter!
ReplyDeleteNot at all! :oD
Delete"My poops are about to go swimming"? HA HA HA ha ha ha ha! And I'm glad SOMEBODY is out there hunting bad guys and zombies.
ReplyDeleteOh sleep soundly tonight, Pickleope!! She's got our backs!
DeleteIf you had not told me she was your spawn, yet you presented to me evidence of her school project and I saw those eyes, I would immediately know that she is your daughter. You can't fake those kind of creepy badass genetics.
ReplyDeleteThank the Gods she got that from me... And not my weakness for Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs. :o)
DeleteYour daughter is awesome! I love the bow and arrow.
ReplyDeleteShe really is amazing. Yesterday she was dancing around to Fuel by Metallica with a toy battleaxe.
DeleteOMG LOVE IT! Ha, she sounds like my boy.
ReplyDeleteShe makes me laugh constantly. :o)
DeleteLove that last bow and arrow pic. She's so resourceful!
ReplyDeleteIf she were in prison, she could fashion a shank out of anything.
DeleteI find that most 6-year-olds are more awesome than the adults I meet on a daily basis and Jazz sounds like one of the best ones. That being said, the eye poster is freaking me the fuck out.
ReplyDeleteThanks! She really is awesome! I have that poster hanging on my wall at work. It freaks everyone out. :o)
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