Eddie: I really want to see that new Abraham Lincoln movie. It's supposed to be really good.
Me: Sure. I like vampire history movies.
Eddie: No. It's the historical movie about Lincoln's life.
Me: Yea. I know. He's a vampire hunter. And also my favorite president.
Eddie: Abraham Lincoln is not a vampire hunter.
Me: Don't be silly. That guy found his diary and wrote a book. We both read it!
Eddie: I'm not going to win this argument am I?
Me: Who's arguing? We can go see the new fictional movie on Lincoln if you want. I can pick out which of the cast members are probably vamps. I'm awesome at that.
And just to prove that I am probably related to Abraham Lincoln and his long lineage of vampire hunting family...
|This was my first time wielding an axe at my glorious friend Nicole's house. She lives in the wilderness.|
|Under the close watch of Richard Gere, I became a champion. He was the Mickey to my Rocky Balboa.|
|Fuck YEA! I made wood my bitch (in a total non-pornographic way).|
|Then we burned the wood. And sang songs about chopping wood. And drank a plethora of beer to the memory of the wood. There was pizza too. And beer... Did I mention beer?|
I'm also pretty fucking handy with a chainsaw. In case you were wondering.
Thanks to all my wonderful friends who trusted me enough to put an axe, a chainsaw and beer in my hands, all in the same day. You don't find many people in life that trust you on that level. Well, me... Anyway. Because apparently I'm the person at the top of the office pool who will be the first to snap and go shit crazy one day. So, when you find people who will love you and give you weapons (and beer) without much fear in their eyes... Well, people.. You... You hold the fuck on to those motherfuckers and you Never. Let. Go.
Unless they get bit by a zombie, that is. Then you blow their fucking heads off.