Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Cheer the Fuck Up, Keanu!


For those of you that read this blog regularly, you are already aware of the Sad Keanu that lives on my work desk.

Why so serious, Keanu?


Well, sometimes his dismal mood gets on my nerves, so I try like all fuck to cheer him up. But in the process of cheering him up, I usually end up making my own mood all sunshine and unicorn farts.  If a psychiatrist were to analyze this statement, they would probably say something about Keanu being my alter ego with whom I am able to communicate with. But I cannot confirm that this would be true...  Mostly because if I ever visit one, I would probably be locked up immediately.  So, I'll just assume that would be one of the many smarty-pants catch phrases they'd use, and keep the awesome taste of freedom in my mouth.

I'm also going to write Keanu a letter explaining he should come hang out with me since we are obviously best friends already.  My mind does not lie. 

Anyway, I decided to start a weekly (or until I get bored and burn the little fucker whilst laughing maniacally) post in which I shall share my various attempts to cheer him up with you.

So...  Enjoy...

I tried to make him read my blog, but Keanu didn't give a flying fuck.  Jerk.

I even made him a wee little Santa hat to spread the holiday cheer...  But that worrisome frown wouldn't budge!

Oh well... There's always tomorrow.  Fuckin' Keanu!

Hugs!

Valerie

P.S.  If you would like to have a Keanu of your very own, it is as easy as a hooker on a cold winter's night!  Just google "Sad Keanu" and find an image that is the ideal size for your use, cut it out, then tape that motherfucker right to your monitor.  WHAMO!  You now have your own sad little man whom shall be the Eeyore to your Pooh.  

P.S.S.  If you decide to go forth with this idea, please email me a picture of how you tried to cheer yours up to flyingplatypi@gmail.com!!  I would love to post it!  :o)

8 comments:

  1. Poor Keanu, he does look a little down in the dumps. Maybe the santa hat isn't to his tastes! Maybe you should try a tiara instead, everything seems better when you're wearing a tiara.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am totally gonna break out my bedazzler now.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  2. You gave sad Keanu a Santa hat!?! That's hilarious. Maybe you need to remind him that he has the singular privilege of making a new Bill and Ted movie. That would cheer me up.

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    Replies
    1. That would make my fucking millennium. Maybe he's sad because he's being a selfish douche!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  3. Oh man . . . sad Keanu is just so damn . . . SAD. I would do a little happy dance in front of him and make funny faces. I would suggest dancing naked, but if I did it, it would just make Keanu sadder. Possibly suicidal. And I couldn't live with that on my conscience.

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    Replies
    1. Sometimes I put him in my cleavage to make him smile. No luck. He makes me doubt my own tits.

      Jerk.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  4. I hate to be the one to point this out, but really you should let him wallow in his sadness because he probably realizes that the high point of his career peaked in 1989. Trying to make him feel better might just very well be nigh impossible. Unless you have a TARDIS.

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    Replies
    1. Wow... I actually do have a TARDIS on my desk.. I also have a TARDIS mug. I'm gonna put him in it to see if that helps. Good call!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete