Tuesday, May 21, 2013

If I were a phone virus, I would infect the masses. But I'm not, so I just have to settle for wrong numbers.

Last week I received a text message from a wrong number wishing me a happy birthday.  And by "me" I mean "someone named Ms. Minneci."  You could imagine my excitement to think that VALTEMBER had already fallen upon us.  But, alas, it is still only May and we have quite a bit of fun to have before VALTEMBER.  

Won't you come along with me and celebrate VALTEMBER??


Also, I checked with Eddie, and he said that I am not allowed to have my birthday right now.  Because it's law or some shit. I think he just doesn't want to celebrate me.  Which is fine, because it was just Mother's Day and we already sacrificed a virgin in my honor.


And by "sacrificed a virgin" I mean "poured alcohol into virgin drinks and then drank them down."  Mainly because I was too tired to go chasing real virgins.  And those bitches are hard to find now-a-days.  


I blame the cast of the Jersey Shore.


I googled "Jersey Shore Virgin" and this came up.  I laughed so hard I spit fluids everywhere.


But still, I figured I should probably answer this person back since I'm not a rude person.  That statement is mostly true.  Unless you talk during an episode of Doctor Who.  Or during a movie I just spent $50 to go see.


I was elated to get an answer back.  And not just any answer...  An answer from a fellow Pluto enthusiast!!  And everyday since I have sent a fun Pluto fact to my new friend.  


Because I'm a sharer, guys.  It's what I do.

As you can see...


Me and Pluto have a lot in common.



Well, that and apparently impersonate Ms. Minneci.  I look forward to the day that this person realizes that I am not Ms. Miccali.  Not even a little bit.


Unless Ms. Minneci is awesome...  And has an almost obsessive love for the planet that isn't a planet anymore.  Then we could very well be the same person.


OMG, GUYS!  WHAT IF MS. MINNECI IS MY DOPPELGANGER?!?!  I need to hug her...  And freak people out on the subway.


I'll never be this happy...  Not ever.


In other news, we should start a pool to see when this person will tell me to stop texting them Pluto facts because it's creepy.  Any takers?!?















45 comments:

  1. The world needs more Pluto enthusiasts....just sayin' :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For reals!! We started having our meetings underground once Pluto was no longer a planet. Keep it on the low down.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  2. Wonder what will happen when this person talks to Ms. Minneci in person! YIPES!!!

    And you're absolutely right on all counts regarding Pluto!

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    Replies
    1. That would be priceless! "Gee, I wonder why Ms. M never mentions Pluto in class." (I'm assuming she's a teacher.)

      Next you suggest meeting to discuss Pluto over drinks. That ought to shake things up.

      Delete
    2. I think about that all the time! Poor kid probably did a report on why Pluto should be a planet again and the teacher has no idea why...

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tried Pontius Pilates once. The stretching was great, but they made me wear a crown of thorns and all that flogging played hell with my back. I said, "No, thank you!"

      Delete
    2. I still have a scar on my bum from that crown of thorns.

      Delete
  4. Dude is probably like "DANG! Ms. Minneci is freaking chatty these days! She always hated me before!"
    Val, my anniversary, birthday and mother's day (I am a mom too) are all in May, so you may be the honorary party chick in your area on my behalf. You're welcome.
    This post made me LOL several times!!! Thanks! <3 Devan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YESSSSS!! I just did a victory lap and shoved your message in eddies face.

      He promptly ignored me.

      Jerk.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  5. That was hilarious.

    Also, Pluto FUN FACT: The first unicorn sighting has been on Pluto's dark side. Nobody has ever seen unicorns since. Conclusion - you don't want to get on Pluto's bad side.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am going to send this message to Pluto tomorrow... No fraking lie.

      He'll either get it or have me arrested. And Ms. M probably has some well deserved jail time coming anyway.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  6. I don't care what they say, to me Pluto is always going to be a planet and not only a Disney character.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No one appreciates Pluto. It's a Mickey Mouse planet.

      Delete
    2. Walt Disney was a greedy mofo. The theme park wasn't enough?! He had to steal a whole planet too??

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  7. Holy crap, that person can't possibly STILL think you're Ms. Minneci. I can't believe this has gone on for that many texts. It may be time for a dick pic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When it gets to dick pic level, I'll send one of Eddies. Mostly cuz I don't have a dick... And also that I don't want to be arrested.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  8. Poor Mrs Minneci is out there wondering why she never got wished a happy birthday. Poor thing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She lost a happy birthday... And gained a legend. ;0)

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  9. Ho. Ly. Shit.

    Is that really a pic of the Biebs? Because, holy child porn pic, batman. I think I might be speechless . . .

    Nah, just kidding. Oh, and sorry about the whole virgin shortage thing. My hubs found TWO to sacrifice for me for Mother's Day. Figured I needed all the help I could get. They may have been the last ones.

    And bravo on embodying all that is Ms. Minneci. Especially her love of Pluto! Be aware that you are probably talking to a teen, so temper your language and the sexual references. I know it will be hard. Be strong!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sexual references.....hee...hee...hee...you said 'hard.'

      Delete
    2. I knew you guys had a surplus of virgins down there!! Good thing I'll be there in less than 2 weeks!! HUZZAH,,

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  10. That Pluto thing is some funny stuff. I hope I get a wrong text because I will so do that. This reminds me of a story (I know what you're probably thinking...what doesn't?).
    Thanksgiving, Yarmouth, Maine, 1994. As we're about to sit down to dinner, the phone rings:
    Me: Hello?
    Unidentified caller: Uh, hello, is Judy there? (NOTE: I don't remember her name...let's go with Judy).
    Me: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
    UC: Oh, dear me, I'm sorry.
    CLICK
    30 seconds later...RING!!
    Me: Hello??
    UC: Yes, is Judy there?
    Me: No, you're still calling the wrong number!
    UC: Sorry.
    CLICK
    2 minutes later....
    RING!!
    Me: Yes!?
    UC: Hello, can I speak to Judy please?
    Me: YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER!!!
    CLICK
    Several minutes and one passing of the cranberry sauce later....
    RING!!
    Figuring I knew who it was, I adopted an accent (I think Indian...I don't remember).
    Me: Hello, welcome to my house.
    UC: Yes, hi. Is Judy there, please?
    Me: Oh, no, my friend, you just missed Judy. She went to the store to pick up some rolls. Can I take a message?
    UC: Yes. Can you tell her that her grandfather called from Oregon to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving, please?
    Me: Oh, uh, sure, GULP. No problem.
    UC: Thank you.
    CLICK.
    I guess I'm kind of an A-Hole, huh?

    Pluto, though, now THERE'S a good one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope... Not one bit. You know why? Because she called 3 times.

      Unless of course, grandpa was on his deathbed. Then, definitely not!!! *internet high five*

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  11. I rip out tongues if anyone talks during Doctor Who. Except me. That virgin pic scares me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right!?! My kids have gotten punished for that shit!!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  12. The picture of what looks like the man/girl Bieber, makes me want to scoop out my eyeballs with a rusty spoon.

    And I almost spat out fluids of my own, (okay, that sounds like all kinds of wrong) when I saw "Pluto could probably fit in Sasquatch's vagina." :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pluto could totally fit in Sasquatch's vagina. I read it on the Internet... Who cares that I wrote it. It's really true.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  13. I routinely tell my daughters that if their science books state that Pluto is not a planet they need to cross it out and write in the truth!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You. Are. My. Hero.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  14. Pluto will always be a planet to me, no matter what some crusty astronomer says.

    And, I'm pretty sure there were a few cries of "huzzah" at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean, when all the cursed pirates became uncursed and suddenly realized what an advantage being undead was in a swordfight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There must have been. Because I hear that at the Renaissance Faire all the time!! And there are pirates there!

      Well played.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
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  17. You are a funny girl Valerie - I am so glad i found you x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I'm so glad I found you.

      No seriously, turn around... I... Found... You....

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  18. Pluto kicks ass. As does your anonymous birthday wisher. And this post. And maybe gum after coffee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG... Those are all my favorite things too... Did we just become best friends?!! :0D
      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
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  22. Term IX: Are you opposed to sexism? But alas, consistent they have come under assault beyond the money grabbers.



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  23. *sigh* Pluto. My Clyde W. Tombaugh autographed telescope says Pluto's a planet, damnet! Of course, I sold that telescope for beer in college... sooooo.....

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  24. Fuck anyone who says Pluto isn't a planet. Pluto don't need no stinking validation! PLANET PLUTO FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!
    Some Dark Romantic

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