Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Mannequins and Shenanigans!

It's a tale as old as time, my friends.  Girl meets Girl over the internet.  Girls realize how awesome their counter part is.  Girls simply MUST meet up.  Girls fall in love.  And the story I am going to share with you is no different.  Except it doesn't end in porn music on top of a copy machine with a pizza man and a midget riding a tricycle in the corner...  Because we're ladies.



Misty <3 Valerie <3 Misty


When I started this blog last year, I had no idea what I was doing or how to do it.  It was pretty confusing at first.  And then I met Misty from Misty's Laws.  She was pretty much a Goddess to me.  And not only did she help show me the way and pimp out my blog, but she also sent me a birthday card with a Sasquatch on it.  



Here is my friend, Sasquatch, trying to reenact the epicness of the card Misty sent me.  Don't tell him that it can't be done.  He's really trying hard.


But, she...  She, like, mailed the card.  With stamps and a postman and shit.  One of the best feelings in the world is getting mail that isn't a bill or some crappy piece of junk.  Misty is the bees knees, guys.  And I was going down to Maryland to meet her!!  We had been planning this forever, and it was finally going to happen! 


Even better??  We were meeting during Kenny's Shorts Season!!!!


And then life got complicated...  So this trip came at the perfect time.  Even better, I had convinced my partners in crime, Nicole & Rainer, to come along with me.  They MADE this journey.  Without them, I would probably be crumpled up at the side of I-95 in fetal position dressed as a beagle.  



Rainer, Me & Nicole


Misty was just as perfect as I dreamed she would be.  With her beaming smile and fantastic laugh, she lit up my soul.  This was our first meeting, and she had planned the most epic of days...  Beginning with a mannequin store.


You read that right.


Misty.  Brought.  Me.  To.  A.  Mannequin.  Store.  



Mannequin Store, guys...  MANNEQUIN STORE!!!!


I can't even right now with the awesomeness of this girl.  Seriously.  I would post a picture of her right now, but your head would just end up exploding from the pure Epic radiating from her person.  It's like she's made up of equal parts Time Lord and TARDIS essence, with a splash of Unicorn and Glitter.



HEY MANNEQUINS!!!  HOW'S IT GOING?!?!

That awkward moment when you're the mannequin who is perpetually cold.

If only he had a head...  Then I would put him next to the alien in my neighbor's yard.


I even got to bring home a keepsake!  I told the guys who worked there that I had my own mannequin shop...  But I didn't sell them.  No, I just dress them up and keep them on display.  Because I love them. Strangely enough, they just nodded their heads as a single tear rolled down their cheeks.  The love of mannequins is a language all in itself.


Me & Mannequin Hand flippin' gang signs and shit.


That evening, we were off to dinner at a cool English themed pub.  All of us together, like a family should be!!!  I had chicken, Misty had fish, Nicole had Shepard's pie and Rainer ordered every piece of meat ever created on a sandwich.


That's, like, 27 layers of meat...  and some cheese.


Even Rainer stood back in awe at the meal he was about to consume.


Silence fell among us as the monster was brought on board.  We suddenly understood why the waitress had chuckled when Rainer placed his order.  But he would not let some girl mock him.  Nay!  Come hell or high water, Rainer would finish this meal........


Nom Nom Nom

He came pretty close too.  I would have taken pictures, but then...  Alcohol!!!  And  Presents!!!  Because Misty was by soulmate, I bought her the only thing I could have.  Stanley Bicher's bitch.  I licked it for good luck.  And also because I like licking things.  

For luck!  And also to make it weird.


It's true...  I have a history of it.

Chair
Ironic Flamingo
Trash

Misty got me the gift of Platypi and Alcohol.  Because she knows me.  Almost too well...  In fact, I'm pretty sure she's outside my window right now.  Which is good...  Because I left her some bagels and a My Little Pony Thermos full of coffee.  (It's under my car behind the right tire, Misty.)


I can't wait to tell you about the rest of our day together later this week.  But first, I shall leave you with this.  Because this is the closest I will come to meeting the TARDIS.  So, I licked it.



NAILED IT!!!

46 comments:

  1. This is why I love you! Nobody has ever described me as "lighting up their soul." I would say my work here is done.

    Oh and thanks for the coffee and bagels. How'd you know that My Little Pony was my favorite? Oh yeah, that's right, because we are the same person. Natch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You totally lit up my soul!!! I miss you!

      I borrowed Eddie's brony thermos... Well, one of them.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  2. Hmmm, so a couple of things. First, Misty is ok for a white girl for sure. I try to play nice when I'm commenting for the first time on a blog because it's in my nature to be crass and so I feel like I'm being nice. I almost quit reading when you said this post wouldn't end with porn music, but I'm glad I didn't as the gratuitous cleavage shots were worth the ride. You girls sound like a fine couple of broads together. Is that insulting? Dames? Ladies! A couple of fine ladies!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Way to be on your best behavior, Don! You will find that it is not necessary with Val, though. She prefers crass, actually.

      And broads works. I prefer that to ladies. We are indeed a fine couple of broads. Skirts, dames, honeys . . .

      Delete
    2. Missy's right! Crass is mandatory when dealing with me!! It's pretty hard to insult me.

      Unless you don't like Doctor Who. Then I'm insulted.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  3. My coworker licks all of her food before she puts it in the fridge so no one will steal it. It doesn't really deter me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do the same thing with fries and cookies.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  4. Awwww AWESOME :D! I'm so happy you had this great trip :)! Also, snail mail is the best. Even better when it comes from someone awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love sending fiends silly postcards... It makes me happy.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  5. My soul weeps for having you come to Baltimore and my missing it.

    Are you sure that wasn't you I saw driving the Batmobile on I-695?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry I missed you too! But I'll be back. Just like Terminator 2.

      But with less death and torture.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  6. Looks like an awesome trip and what trip isn't complete without a stop at a mannequin factory??

    That sandwich is making me hungry so I'm off to find some food...great post! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to start visiting mannequin factories around the world!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  7. Missing the water you probably are soon living in a cesspool
    of portable waste by-products. They probably know in which inturn the pit is located.


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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow... I never thought of it this way. Thank you for the enlightenment!!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  8. That burger was freaking scary. Oh, and btw, I wrote this for you. Hope you are having a good day.
    http://justshyofperfection.com/dear-valerie-0-fs-to-give/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You totally made my week!! And it's been a shitty one, so that says a lot!!

      Double hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  9. Dear manufacturers of the mannequin hand permanently throwing up gang signs:

    What. The. Fuck. Is. This? Are there stores saying things like, "our mannequins lack street cred," or, "we really need a pasty white mannequin with a hip urban feel," because, if so, it's perfectly acceptable to tell them where to shove THEIR mannequin hands and move on with your business.

    Sincerely,
    The CrakGenius

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I started carrying this one around in my bag. Just in case I end up in a bad neighborhood where there is some weird mannequin gang. How else would they know im part of their crew?!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  10. You can get such songs in any of the online music libraries.
    The club featured house music performers
    from the American such as Adonis and Frankie Knuckles.


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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you say Frankie Knuckles?!? He's my fav! I lost my virginity to one of his songs!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  11. In some corporate blogs, all posts depart through a compare before they're placed. These hotels manage lot of corporate event since go on decades.

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    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh god you are so funny !!My bladder is too old for this !!! lol Lisa x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's a little known fact that whenever I make someone laugh til they pee, an angel gets her wings. Let lose and let the angels fly!!!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  13. This was a bloody funny post...........it also made me think of my youngest who has a thing about licking stuff.......lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear that geniuses lick stuff... For dominance.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  14. That carnivore sandwich looks awesome! Only trouble is, it wouldn't leave much room for beer :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. More beer, less meat!!!

      I need that on a tshirt!!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  15. Looks like you've had an awesome time, rock on.

    Also, is that insane sandwich DHLable? I want it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Beware the all meat sandwich, Daniel. For I hear that once consumed, you may never poo again.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  16. I was right-you DO remind me of me. Well, you're not a short, gray haired dude. Still....
    I have done the same thing as you to a mannequin. Except I molested womannequins instead of mannequins (I didn't want anyone to think I was weird). Plus, while I wouldn't take pictures of me licking things (mostly because I never thought of it), I do have a LOT of pictures of me tying my shoe in quite a few places. My favorite is under the Eiffel Tower just before some dog tried to sodomize me (he must've thought I was a mannequin).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I. Need. To. See. This. Picture. In my mins, it's glorious...

      We may be twins. I think we are twins... Yes. We should probably now have a music montage of sorts!!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
    2. I believe I will post said picture. Although memories of canine humping are still fresh in my mind.

      Delete
  17. And, you know, those Anonymous dudes above me may be on to something.
    All posts DO depart through a compare before they're placed and if you DO miss the water you will soon be living in a cesspool (although we will also accept Bridgeport, Connecticut).
    And don't get me started on Frankie Knuckles.
    Anonymous rocks!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel like anonymous is speaking in code... I bet it's a fellow spy trying to give us a message... I'll have to pay better attention!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  18. Holy shit, did Rainer have to unhinge his jaw to eat that sammich??? And, if so, WHERE ARE THE PICS OF THAT?????

    Yeah, I suppose if that HAD happened, there'd definitely be pics, huh?
    Some Dark Romantic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think he distracted us with alcohol and ate that thing whole... Like some awesome human snake hybrid!!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
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  20. I'm not sure what makes me laugh more...your kick-ass posts or your replies to Anonymous comments!

    You're awesome, Valerie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh...dammit! I nearly forgot! I left you awards!! Come by and pick 'em up!

      Delete
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  24. Do you know, I once paid a whole english pound for half a male mannequin (waist down) as a gift for my best friend. We dressed the legs up, took hilarious photos and far as I know he still stands in her parents glasshouse, where we left him as a pot plant holder. Think I just realised why I like your blog so much.

    ReplyDelete
  25. How awesome! There are definitely some bloggers I would love to meet. When you are in love, you just know it, right? I'm glad it was such a successful meeting!

    ReplyDelete