|Exactly like this... But with less man junk.|
Let me take you back to my childhood... Where a young girl never had a chance to express herself through sledding of any kind. It was a sad, depraved childhood filled hearing about other kids' adventurous times down the hills of glory. The hills that were always just out of her reach. A young girl who would later grow up to become one of the most awesome people that she knows. Ok... Maybe tied with most of the people she knows as she keeps herself surrounded by awesome.
|One day... You shall be mine.|
Anyway, it finally happened. I went sledding. And. It. Was. Glorious.
|It. Was. Fucking. Awesome.|
How does a person like me come to go sledding, you ask? Well, as it turns out, I am an adult and can now take myself to places that I want to go whenever I want!! One day I was all "I've never been sledding. Life sucks." And then, in the very next breath, I was all "HOLY FUCKINGSTEIN!!! I'm a god damned adult and can fucking go if I want to!!!"
And so a plan was hatched! I immediately told Eddie the good news. You could imagine his excitement. But as it turns out, Eddie wasn't really a fan of sledding.
And neither was our friend Melanie.
|Not at all impressed.|
Nor was Jasmyn.
But luckily, I was excited enough for all of us!!! In fact, every time I slid down that magnificent mountain, my legs kicked with glee! My excitement was so high that it had nowhere to go. For my own protection, my body released it out of my legs. That's how you don't spontaneously combust, guys. It's true. Look it up!
So, while Eddie, Mel and Jazzy quit after only 2 shots down the Hill of Splendor and warmed by the Fire of the Pansies. Alyssa, her friend Zoe, and I were totally in.
|LET'S RIDE THIS THING!!!|
And that's when we claimed the mountain to be our own.
We were fair and just rulers. Yes, goddesses of the righteous we were. We climbed up and flew down that mountain for hours. Until I spotted Eddie making the universal motion that told me to "wrap it up because we are cold and hungry and have a long drive home where I will give you alcohol to end your magnificent day."
|You had me at pint, lover...|
And so we left... But not forever, motherfuckers. Nay. For I made a vow right then and there that I would return one day to reclaim my birth right. So the hill may be yours for now, small children whom I do not know, but savior it. I will return. And my homecoming shall mean death and destruction for you all.
|I'll be back. And this time, it's personal.|