|Well... It wasn't her first tooth. But, you get the idea.|
Remember when it was a quarter?!?! I do... And that's how I know I'm getting old. Because I can say shit like "I remember when the Tooth Faery used to leave me a fucking quarter. And we were grateful!!!! God damn spoiled kids nowadays."
|If you were thinking the same thing.|
In case you don't know how the world of Tooth Faeries work, every family is assigned one. Apparently ours is the Lindsay Lohan of the Tooth Faery world. Jasmyn left her tooth in the assigned area and went to bed, dreaming of sugar plums and $5 bills. She awoke to pure disappointment.
|Lindsay... Wake up. It's time to pick up children's teeth.|
|Nah man... I got time.|
The fucking tooth was still there.
|Wait... What was I supposed to be doing?|
|Darth Vader says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"|
And this isn't the first time that this has happened.
Once the same thing happened to Alyssa. The next day, she was so upset, that we had to trick Tooth Faery Lohan. We blacked out the windows with sheets and stuffed a fake Alyssa under the blankets. The tooth was left in plain sight next to the bed.
|Seriously, Lindsay. Get it together.|
When Alyssa came home from school that day, the $5 was there and the tooth was gone. It was a miracle. Or, it may have been the "special treat" we left next to the tooth... AKA a shot of whiskey.
|How to attract the Tooth Faery.|
We had the awkward talk with our kids early on that our assigned Tooth Faery was a bit of a flake, to say the least. I can only hope that she retires after our family and does not disappoint any other children in the future.
P.S. If you haven't already, please vote for my blog on the League of Funny Bitches!!! PLEASE?!?! For the love of all that's holy!! Don't make me beg. It's the last night to vote, for the love of Gods!!!
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