Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for all the well wishes from last post. I won't get into what happened, but it was really horrible and I am pretty much broken. But luckily, I am me. So I won't stay down for long. Awesome doesn't sleep. It just takes lavatory breaks. It's like my awesome ate a 10 pack at Taco Bell with extra hot sauce and is now paying the price. She's gonna shit... And she's gonna probably throw up... And she will most definitely curl up into the corner and cry like a little bitch. But then she'll get up, dust herself off and move on. Because that's what life's about. Learning a lesson and moving on.
|This is an exact metaphor for how I feel.|
Secondly, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER!!!! Seriously. Please. It's really lonely out there. And there is no way I'm going to get a group of people large enough to build a demonic T-Rex hell bent on revenge if I only have 11 people that listen to me rant like a crazy person.
|We can totally make this, Guys. All it takes is a stick of chewing gum and a paperclip. I saw it on an episode of MacGyver.|
How do you find me, you ask? Well, look for @flyingplatypie. Be sure to look for the PIE at the end. Because some assmonkey stole my name, put up 4 tweets about Lord of the Rings back in 2011 and then quit the whole Twitter scene to live off the grid. I mean, great for him. But, Jesus H. Martinez!!! Let the name go!!!!
|CANCEL THE ACCOUNT, YOU SAD LITTLE MAN!!!!!|
But it's all good, people... I like pie. Blueberry pie. So it works.
This morning, I was driving the girls to school when Alyssa yelled, "Mommy!! What the heck is that?!?" I look over and out her window, and nearly rolled my car up into a tree!!
Here's what we saw in the yard over yonder...
|Tilt your head to the side... Because my computer is a selfish fool who can't rotate pictures.|
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!
|There is no other explanation!!!|
Seriously... I. Almost. Died. I mean, I am totally ready for the Zombie Apocalypse. Who isn't now a days?!? But aliens?? ALIENS??!?! What the flying donkey fuck!!!! I'm not prepared for aliens!! How does one even prepare for that???
|There is absolutely NO WAY to prepare for something like this. It's just not possible. WE ARE ALL DOOMED!!!!|
Upon circling the block and getting the sledgehammer out of the trunk of my car, we quickly learned that it was not an alien. It was one of those dummies used for fight training cleverly placed to scare the crap out of passerby's.
|Exactly like this... But more menacing. And green. And evil.|
I wonder if across the street, there is some poor kid's room that faces the dummy. I bet these people giggle every night as that kid hides under their blanket and cries himself to sleep. And that's when I realized that I really wanted to have dinner and drinks with these people.
And maybe snuggle by a bonfire with them... If I'm not being too forward.
|Those people, whoever they are, are my heroes!|