Halloween isn't usually a time for me to worry too much about it. Not many people dress up like clowns anymore. Thank the gods for that shit. So you could imagine my surprise when I spotted one at a Halloween parade that I took my kids to last year with my family.
Most of the time, people who dress up like clowns are a lot like sharks... If you don't show fear or put your period blood in the water, you should be ok. Sure. You might lose a limb, but you will survive. So, I was prepared to do what I would usually do in this sort of situation... Freak the fuck out and hide behind an adult until it goes away.
You know when that doesn't work? It doesn't work when someone you went to high school with is at said parade and remembers how terrified you were of clowns back then. It also doesn't work when that same person proceeds to tell the evil man dressed as a clown and holding a knife that the "girl over there hiding behind the tree is afraid of you and you should probably stalk her for the next hour."
Because that is exactly what happened. Do you want to know how I spent the parade?
|I spent it hiding behind trees.|
|I spent it hiding behind people.|
|And I mostly spent it hiding behind this big van where I could keep and eye on him.|
At one point I was spotted and so I took off running. Luckily I was able to hide behind the EMT table. They didn't seem to mind too much. Especially once I told them that a clown was trying to kill me. No, their laughter was just enough to throw the clown off of my scent. Because who would be laughing in a situation like this?
Do you want to know who would be laughing in a situation like this?
My sister-in-law's cousins.
My sister-in-law's cousins' children.
My own children.
And most importantly...
|This motherfucker. Thanks a shitload, Kenee. I will get you for this. And my revenge will be so much worse than your worst nightmare. <3|