And that's when I saw it...
I don't know if the picture does this thing justice... But this fucker was huge. And angry... And I'm pretty sure she was suffering from gamma radiation poisoning. Which is exactly why, instead of killing it (which is bad luck by the way!!!), I just slowly closed the closet door and walked away.
Me: Children, I have an announcement. We, as a family, have surrendered the use of the dining room closet. It shall henceforth be occupied only by The One Known As Spiderzilla. No one is to go in there again. I repeat... No. One. Is. To. Go. In. There. Again.
Alyssa & Jazz: OMG!!! CAN WE SEE THE SPIDER!!!
So... I grudgingly showed them why we are no longer using said closet. It was a 2-1 vote that we should indeed just let it go. Of course Jasmyn was all "Just kill it! It's just a bug, mommy!" It's NOT just a bug, Smarty Pants!!! IT'S AN ARACHNID!!!
Unfortunately, my mom also had a different opinion... That involved Spiderzilla leaving the shrine we had devoted to her... and taking over the apartment... with a plethora of children... who, for some horrible reason, want to climb into my ears and lay eggs in my brain.
I need my brain, you guys. For watching cat videos on the internet and such.
So... It was decided. Spiderzilla had to die.
|Our weapons were chosen appropriately for the battle that lay ahead.|
|Using my Ultra Ninja Stealth Mode, I opened the closet prepared for attack!|
|Determined and ready to face our glory... or demise, Jazz and I rushed forward.|
|OMG!!! IS THAT HER?!?!|
|But alas, she was nowhere to be seen.|
|We had to get deeper... Into the heart of the closet. Where her nest would be. The battle-ready warriors marched on.|
|While her soul was pure, there was no doubt in that... I began to wonder if she really even wanted to find The One Known As Spiderzilla.|
|No, seriously Kid. Do you even have my back on this??|
|And that's when I realized our prey had won. You live to fight another day, Spiderzilla... Just PLEASE don't put your babies in my ears!!!!|