Sunday, July 13, 2014

Egg Souls and Sundays kind of go hand in hand


I've been MIA again.  I know this.  You know this.  Even Yellow Dog knows this.  I'm sorry.  Life has been quite crazy lately.  I find it more difficult to keep up with this blog when I'm ridiculously happy.  Which is weird...  Since I'd like to think of this as a humor blog...  Which is easier when I'm happy, right?

Whatever.  I'm here now, baby.  Yeaaaa...  That's right... Don't worry your pretty little head.  Just rest it upon my bosom and everything will be ok.

Or not.  I mean, my bosom could be filled with C4 for all you know.  And I'm just crazy enough to pull off a stunt like that.  But that's a chance you're just gonna have to take.

Now on to more pressing subjects...

Today the girls wanted some pancakes.  I obliged because...  Pancakes YUM!  Anyway, I went to get the eggs to put in the mixture that included chocolate chips (because that's how we keeps shit realz up in this bitch) and this is what I found...

Ummmm....  Yea.  I think neither I nor the egg were ready for this.

Alyssa apparently had some fun with one of our eggs.  As I was about to crack him, I looked deeply into those terrified eyes and just couldn't.  

I couldn't eat him.

So I left him there and made our pancakes with different eggs.  Blank eggs.  Eggs that weren't pleading for their life with sad, sad eyes.  

I know, I'm such a good person.  Unfortunately, I'm a good person who really likes to eat eggs...  I boiled up that fucker an hour later for a delicious snack.

Yea, I'm also an asshole.

And as I cracked his face open and peeled the flesh from his carcass right before rubbing salt all over him, I laughed quite maniacally.  

Because that shit is just funny.

Don't judge me, people.  Don't judge me.

22 comments:

  1. I always wonder how they get the chickens to lay the eggs in those little egg holders.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Orc mischief most likely...

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  2. Oh my, you're such the egg-o-maniac.

    Get it?

    MWAHAHAHAHAHAH.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I see what you did there... And I dig it.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  3. Besides the sheer terror, you can also see just a little bit of resignation on his sad little eggy face. He's seen what's happened to all of his family. He knows he's next. You just made the inevitable happen, Val. It's ok. Shhhh. There there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't fight fate... It always wins in the end.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  4. Joy and mooshy love shit kinda kill the "funny", don't they? Irony is a motherfucker.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How is it even possible!? It makes no sense!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  5. eggsactly the right thing to do!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Egggcellent! *air guitar*

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  6. I had pancakes with choc chips in them yesterday but my eggs didn't look sad at being cracked and mixed into the mixture which is good because I would feel bad cracking an egg that had a face on it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's much better to boil them :)

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  7. It had to be done. Just assure us that whilst you were egging around, you got eggsestential and eggselently eggregiously egged on those kids and delivered the deceased Humpty Dumpty to those girls via Federal Eggspress.
    Don't worry, I hate myself for those puns.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love you mad hard for those puns!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  8. Of course you couldn't kill him quickly - sharp blow to the head and done. No. You had to boil him, then peel him then rub salt in the wounds. Remind me never to try sad eyes in your presence :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He kinda had that coming... I think?

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  9. Bosom with C4?
    Exploding boobies?
    I think I saw that on Cinemax.

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  10. I see your daughter shares your wickedly good sense of humor! Those eyes on that egg are HILARIOUS!!!
    Another great post- always worth waiting for.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww thanks! I felt a bit rusty... She's a pretty good artist. Love that kid!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  11. So you are saying you didn't just put a hole in the top and bottom of the egg and blow the insides out? Poor Shelly!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn... I didn't even think of that one!!

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete