You know I didn't mean that, baby. You know I love you...
Anyway, as it turns out, I recently spent a few days in Vegas. I know what you're all thinking and the answer is No... The bodies will never be found. Ever. Because if it's one thing I'm really fucking good at, it's hiding dead bodies. Oh, and knitting scarves.
A lot of shit went down in Vegas. So much that there will be a few different posts about the trip. As you can imagine, shit got weird. And time in Vegas is funny. In my mind, it's non-sequential. What happened on the first day doesn't feel like it was the first day. So, I'm going to go off the rails with these posts and tell you the stories as I would like... In no fucking order whatsoever. Mainly because it's my blog, and I get to do pretty much whatever I want.
On our last night in Vegas, after some ridiculous Fremont Street shenanigans, myself and my partner in crime (Stephanie the Fabulous) made our way back to the hotel. On the walk back to the room, I noticed a Do Not Disturb sign. In fact, they were everywhere.
And that is when I hatched possibly one of the most dastardly plans in history. Ok, not really. But it sounds more dramatic that way...
|I was going to steal every god damned Do Not Disturb Sign in that place.|
All of them. At that point of the evening, I was hell bent on getting every single motherfucking sign out of that motherfucking hotel. Stephanie was ready for bed however. So, after escorting her back to her room and changing into my jammies, I was ready to make this plan a reality.
And a reality it was... For hours, I ninja rolled through the hotel and snuck up the emergency access staircases stealing all the Do Not Disturb signs on floors 6-11. I was drunk, so of course I took pictures...
|I'm sure you were wondering how I managed to move undisturbed between floors. The emergency exit access of course!!|
|Cuz FUCK da man.|
|Six was obviously an evil floor. It just looks menacing. And I was almost caught too. But luckily, I had a great spot to hide all the stolen signs before going back to my room after every floor to make the drop off.|
|It was in my pants, guys. I was running around the hotel, shoving signs into my pants. Did I mention that I had a lot of alcohol that night?|
|Now you see 'em...|
|Now you don't. I'm a motherfucking magician!!!|
|The stairs were getting noisy at this point. Twas an echo-y sort of place...|
|So I decided the best option would be to go Total Ninja. Because who needs elevators when you have secret passages!!!|
|On Nine I encountered a problem...|
|It'll be a cold day in hell before I let some random sharpie markered sign tell me what to do!!! SPOILER ALERT: The stupid hotel didn't even flood.|
|Stealing signs was a lot like the game of Operation. Quiet. Exact. Cunning.|
|I suck at that game... So I just grabbed those fuckers and ran.|
|Live like a ninja... Die like a ninja... But only if you're caught.|
|I wasn't. I peaked around every corner. I snuck in and out of areas unseen and unheard. This is the night I became a God.|
|OOOOOORRRRR... This was the night that I proved that, once again, I should probably just not be left to my own devices. Anywhere. Ever.|
And although I only made it though 5 floors and not all of them... And only collected a measly 213 Do Not Disturb Signs... And did not go back to the room until 5am... I feel like I left my mark on Vegas. And I was even nice enough to leave most of the signs for housekeeping to find.
|The blood and masks were Scooby's idea. He's one sick fuck.|
To be continued...