Fear not, my friends... I still may end up as a spinster. I mean, once I unleash my full crazy on the poor lad, much like the Kracken, I'm sure my destiny to eat ice cream as every meal and wear moo moos with colorful wigs will follow. But so far, he's cool with my crazy.
|I googled "Unleash the Kraken" and this picture came up. And, as you all well know, I am a sharer. And also, you're welcome.|
But I digress...
Not too long ago, my Stephans and I were killing zombies at a local Dave & Busters, having a grand old time when we came upon the most peculiar of photo booths. Photo booths are always fun. Hell, I've got a shit load of inappropriate pictures from them in my collection of things that my kids will end up finding in a shoebox in the back of my closet marked "Chicago" after I'm dead. But this one was different. This one was one that put together two people's features to create their love child.
|And who wouldn't want us to have a love child??|
It was pretty much a given that she would be stunning. She would be birthed in our awesomeness, so how could she possibly not be.
We had to know... For the first round, we did our normal smilie faces and picked a brown haired girl child, since we were pretty sure that brown was our natural hair colors.
|Don't judge me by my hair, guys... I think it was a rainy day. Curly hair + Rain = Hot Mess.|
There was obviously an error in the calculations of this machine... What the fuck was up with that kid. She looked NOTHING like us! So before we had to take the plunge and go on Maury to find out if she was truly my baby daddy, we decided to go for a second round and give even bigger, cheesier smiles. We thought a red headed girl for the Round 2 would be the best option.
|Are you fucking with me right now, Photo Booth? Like our kid would even be allowed to pop her collar. It's like you don't even KNOW us!!!|
This was the point where we realized that there was probably something wrong with the machine. Seriously though, what the fucking fuck?? So we went for Round 3 and chose a black haired girl child. Only this time, we opted for the classic duck face move... Because, for the love of all that's holy, this kid needed to have some god damned lips.
|Oh, I see how it is, Photo Booth. You little bitch... What is that thing growing on her eyebrow?? Is it a mole? Is it hair? Why does she look like she is smelling something unpleasant??|
And then that happened. I believe it was then that we then made a mental note to make sure that one of our insurance plans covered mole removal. There was only one hair color choice left... So we decided to go for broke. At least we would get some kind of tax break now that we were on our 4th kid.
My Stephans and I decided to give our best mug shot faces this time around. This madness needed to end. I mean, could you even imagine having 4 Jasmyns in existence?? Just lock me up now, guys. It's for the best. And I apologize in advance for the world domination thingy that would no doubt follow the maturity of my children.
|I bet she sings like an angle... And can knit the comfiest of blankets out of unicorn hair with her toes.|
So, I guess the moral of this story is that... Um... Maybe if you keep trying, you'll end up with a pretty kid. Or maybe it's that I shouldn't be making love children in picture booths anymore. I'm not really sure I can keep that last promise, but I'll damn well try.