Picture it: My car. 2014. I was driving along when I noticed a wee little lady bug crawling on my windshield.
Me: Now, how did you get in here, Ms. Ladybug?
Ladybug: *Stops and turns around to walk towards me*
Me: Oh! Look at you! All friendly and shit!
Ladybug: *Climbs up windshield to ceiling*
|Awww!! Somebody's lost!!|
I'm sure you are probably having the same thoughts that I was at this moment: "Aww! This poor lil guy needs some help getting out of the car." And THIS is where you would be wrong.
|"It'll be a cold day in Valhalla before I ask a human for directions!!"|
Me: Did you get stuck in here and are in need of some assistance??
Ladybug: *Comes closer to me and begins to pace*
Me: No need to get antsy!! HAHAHA!! You see what I did there???
And that's when all hell broke loose...
|"A cold day, indeed..."|
The seemingly innocent ladybug picked that moment to launch its guns-blazing attack.
That's right. The fucker flew at me.
The fucker flew at my face.
That motherfucker flew at my face whilst I was doing 80 on a highway.
Have you ever had one of those moments when time slowed down just enough for you to think "How the fuck did this even happen? Where did I go wrong in the events of my day to lead me here??"
Do you ever think that maybe life is just one big "Choose Your Own Ending" book... And that maybe you made all the wrong choices?
Although I may have made the wrong choices, luckily this was not my day to die, my friends. Nay! This day was a happy one... Because I survived.
But please, PLEASE learn from my mistakes...
|Never EVER make ant jokes at ladybugs. They have no fucking sense of humor whatsoever!!!|
But seriously though... And I say this because I love you all so very hard.
|Watch your back out there. Evil has a new face. And it has polka dots.|