Monday, September 28, 2015

What's in the Box... The Second Coming

Do you guys remember my last post where I received a box full of clown

I'm sure you've been having horrid nightmares about this...  I know I have.


Well, I showed it to my kids and got the following 2 responses:


1.  Jazzy: "Can I borrow the notes and see the packages?  I'm sure I can figure out who sent this..."  

We've been watching a lot of Criminal Minds as of late... 


2.  Alyssa:  "The word "clown" is plural.  I bet you'll get more."

I'm sorry, Alyssa.  What did you just say???  And that's when I told her she was punished. 

Update:  Alyssa is still on punishment...


When I received the package, I actually assumed it would be the last.  Just a joke from my Arch Nemesis, right??  HAHA!!  YOU TOTALLY GOT ME!!!  


Unfortunately, I received this text from Carlos on Friday...

*Black and white coloring added for dramatic effect*

And this is what I looked like reading his text...  True story.



You could only imagine the state that this new information put me in.  Especially knowing that The Evil that was bound to be in that little box...  Waiting for me...  Waiting to be released...  But I had to put on my big girl pants and open that motherfucker.    


Because that's what it means to be an adult.  


Being an adult is stupid. 


I thought it would be easier this time because I knew what to expect.  But, alas...  That shit was still horrible.


Who knows what Evil lurks inside this box?!  I'm sure I do.  But maybe I was wrong!! 

Maybe it would be different this time?

Who would wrap evil in such nice TARDIS colored wrapping paper?!?

Maybe....  Oh.  Fucking.  Shit. 

 I THINK IT MOVED!!  RUN BITCHES!

Ok.  Maybe it didn't move?  Maybe...  Maybe it's just a doll.  Maybe this is all a misunderstanding?

Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  Nope.  NOPE.  

Seriously.  NOPE.


After much crying in fetal position, I was able to get my shit together.  The weekend then came and I had decided that the threat was over.  It had to be.  For my sanity!!  And on Saturday, when I did not receive another package, I knew that I was in the clear!!  And so much festivities were had by all!!


Carlos and I went to a most glorious Beerfest where we dined on bacon covered bratwurst and drank to our heart's content!

We even pretended to be Hobbits playing Connect Four!!  I won, obviously... 



On Sunday, I knew I was safe.  Oh yes...  I was so safe...


Fine day indeed!!



Today is Monday.  Since I was feeling like dogshit with pants on, I decided to work from home.


Big Mistake...


Big.  Fucking.  Mistake. 

You guys...  I received a bag full of certain clown death...  ON A FUCKING MONDAY?!?!  You've gone too far now, my Arch Nemesis.  Too.  Fucking.  Far. 
 

Sure, the return address says "From The Big Top"...  But maybe it's not a clown this time...  Maybe it's ... sneakers?

Yes, this arrived in the mail for me today.  And I am frozen with fear as I sit in the house all alone.  I obviously cannot open it.  Not until Carlos comes home and we take the battleaxe off the wall.  I told Carlos to bring holy water and extra bullets...  Just in case... 


Come, old faithful.  We have work to do...

14 comments:

  1. Envelopes are kind of flatfish though, right? Seems like nothing too terrifying could be flat? I'm trying to work with you here!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's amazing how many horrible things are flatish. Like... Mind boggling.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  2. Holy water = beer, right? Because beer cures all, as we all know. You could try exorcism before opening the package. Or a flamethrower... Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I spit beer out of my mouth onto the Evil whilst lighting it aflame. But, alas, the Evil would not burn.

      I fear for all of us at this point.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  3. I think the only solution is to let Jazzy open it. That girl don't play...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oddly enough... Alyssa opened it. And she was all "I like it. Can I keep it??" And that's when here punishment was reinstated.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  4. Best thing to do is set that bitch on fire. Then open it. Let the Arch Nemesis know you don't play nicely. Let them see their work of art all melted and shit. Posting vandalized work would be the ultimate revenge. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is why we need to be BFFs in real life. This is better than what I did. I did the exact opposite.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  5. You know what you should do, well I hope you do as I haven't got a clue, just saying I would have to open the box because an unopened box is just so annoying but when I opened it and found that I would be like what the hell am I suppose to do with this

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right?!? I just had to know. Now I need one of those mind erasing things from MIB.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  6. Nothing of significance here. Just toss the clown into the fire if it's really bothering you.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Porcelain doesn't melt, so I'm told. Then... Then I will have a pile of charred clown heads, feet and hands watching me for all eternity.. Maybe...

      I can't take that chance, man.

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete
  7. Holy cow. I actually thought the first one was a bit sweet, but not anymore. Creepy shit. Maybe you shouldn't open the next package, just chuck it away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Surprise Clowns are almost never sweet. Unless they are dead. :)

      Hugs!

      Valerie

      Delete