Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Siri is the Reason Why I have Anger Issues

It all started out innocent enough.  I was on my way home from an appointment, and decided to get bagels for me and the family.  There's a pretty great bagel shop by us that is usually on the busy side.  I prefer to call in my order.  Mainly because it makes me feel like Beyonce when I walk in and get to skip the line.  And who doesn't like to feel like The Queen B.
 

I know Siri hates me.  I.  Know.  This.  Mannnn.  But I was driving and I needed some assistance.  And the god damn commercial makes it look so fucking easy.


But it's not...


It's.  Fucking.  Not.  Easy.  At.  Fucking.  All.

 

Me:  Siri, Fanwood Bagels.
 

Maybe it was because I had the window cracked.  I rolled it up and tried again.


Me: Siri... Fanwood Bagels! 


Son of a bitch.

Me: SIRI... Fanwood Bagels.


Did. I. Stutter. Motherfucker?!?!

Me:  SIRI!!  FANWOOD!! BAGELS!!!!!! 



You fucking whore.

After googling and finding the number then calling it and placing my order, like it was 1998 or some shit, I decided that Siri hates me.


And you know what?  I fucking hate her too.  


Yea.  That's right.



9 comments:

  1. As an Android user, I have similar feelings toward the Google voice app. That's why I always say "Okay, Google" with open disdain so that my phone knows the feeling is mutual.

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  2. I have those battles too. At least your responses sounds vaguely close. Whenever I try to do something as simple as call my home number I get all sorts of weird responses:

    Me: Call Ian Bott Home (clearly enunciated, 'cos I'm originally British)
    Siri: Calling Spectrum High School
    Me: Nooooo!!!
    Me: Call Ian Bott Home (said very loudly and clearly, because that's what Brits do in foreign countries)
    Siri: There is no music playing
    And so on...

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  3. I've never used Siri. Now, once they come up with an app that will voice over with any celebrity you choose...I may reconsider. :)

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  4. Well I see no reason to introduce myself to Siri based on this information.

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  5. Yeah it looks so easy in the adds but it is anything but

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  6. Too funny. I use voice to text a lot. Especially when I'm outside with gloves on.
    So when I voice text my wife to bring home beer she brings home a swinging queer. Gotta work on that one!

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  7. I've gotten Siri to call me "Lord and Master."
    Yeah, I'm insecure that way.

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  8. Yeah, i just can't with siri. I have much better luck going to a mobile browser and hitting the microphone and saying the search terms out loud.

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  9. Android user here, thinking Siri sounds RUBBISH frankly. How can she not know what a bagel is?!?!

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