Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Siri is the Reason Why I have Anger Issues

It all started out innocent enough.  I was on my way home from an appointment, and decided to get bagels for me and the family.  There's a pretty great bagel shop by us that is usually on the busy side.  I prefer to call in my order.  Mainly because it makes me feel like Beyonce when I walk in and get to skip the line.  And who doesn't like to feel like The Queen B.

I know Siri hates me.  I.  Know.  This.  Mannnn.  But I was driving and I needed some assistance.  And the god damn commercial makes it look so fucking easy.

But it's not...

It's.  Fucking.  Not.  Easy.  At.  Fucking.  All.


Me:  Siri, Fanwood Bagels.

Maybe it was because I had the window cracked.  I rolled it up and tried again.

Me: Siri... Fanwood Bagels! 

Son of a bitch.

Me: SIRI... Fanwood Bagels.

Did. I. Stutter. Motherfucker?!?!

Me:  SIRI!!  FANWOOD!! BAGELS!!!!!! 

You fucking whore.

After googling and finding the number then calling it and placing my order, like it was 1998 or some shit, I decided that Siri hates me.

And you know what?  I fucking hate her too.  

Yea.  That's right.


  1. As an Android user, I have similar feelings toward the Google voice app. That's why I always say "Okay, Google" with open disdain so that my phone knows the feeling is mutual.

  2. I have those battles too. At least your responses sounds vaguely close. Whenever I try to do something as simple as call my home number I get all sorts of weird responses:

    Me: Call Ian Bott Home (clearly enunciated, 'cos I'm originally British)
    Siri: Calling Spectrum High School
    Me: Nooooo!!!
    Me: Call Ian Bott Home (said very loudly and clearly, because that's what Brits do in foreign countries)
    Siri: There is no music playing
    And so on...

  3. I've never used Siri. Now, once they come up with an app that will voice over with any celebrity you choose...I may reconsider. :)

  4. Well I see no reason to introduce myself to Siri based on this information.

  5. Yeah it looks so easy in the adds but it is anything but

  6. Too funny. I use voice to text a lot. Especially when I'm outside with gloves on.
    So when I voice text my wife to bring home beer she brings home a swinging queer. Gotta work on that one!

  7. I've gotten Siri to call me "Lord and Master."
    Yeah, I'm insecure that way.

  8. Yeah, i just can't with siri. I have much better luck going to a mobile browser and hitting the microphone and saying the search terms out loud.

  9. Android user here, thinking Siri sounds RUBBISH frankly. How can she not know what a bagel is?!?!