Tuesday, November 17, 2015

...Insert Sappy Quote About Love Here...

I won't lie to you, my friends.  I've been burned in the past.  If you've been reading this blog for a hot minute, you may already know that.  And much like humans that have loved and lost, we often promise ourselves to never bother with those types of shenanigans again.  To just go about our merry little ways and live our life with a shitload of cats... or dogs...  or ferrets.  Whatever's your bag, baby.

In fact, I honestly never thought I would find love again.  And the saddest part was that I was ok with that... 

And then I fell for this motherfucker.  I mean look at that mug.  How could I not?

And I fell hard I did.  Like, sun and moon and stars kinda shit.  I even thought that now I finally knew what was what.  

Until...  Until a pigeon proved me wrong...

Hey, Lil Guy... You want a fry?
"Perhaps I do..."

"Perhaps this Fry..."
"Is just... What I've always needed"

Still, Pigeon? 

After all this time?



Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Must Write Post or Clowns Will Eat Me... Must Write Post or Clowns Will Eat Me... Must Write Post or Clowns Will Eat Me... Must Write Post.....

Hi there, my lovely little friends.  

Its been a couple of weeks.  I know.  What can I say?  I suck.  It's honestly taking me a bit longer than I thought it would to get back into the habit of writing on a regular basis.  How do all my blogger friends do it!?!  

No, seriously.  How do you find the time?  When do you sleep?  Where do you poo?  I.. Mean.. When?

As you may remember, the last time I wrote, it was because my Arch Nemesis had sent boxes filled with evil.

You remember these lovely little trinkets??

I sure do!!

I still dream of them every god forsaken night...

In fact, I literally have a corner full of clown in my house.  I have no idea where to put them!  I'm scared to release them from their box tombs and set them free to run a muck on us all.

Because I'm responsible like that...  You're welcome.

And then, just like that, it stopped just as suddenly as it began.  I thought we were done with this shit.  Fuck man!!  I thought I was free!!  Until Halloween that is...  But don't worry!!  I've figured it out, I think.

I now have a theory, you see.  I know what this is about (besides trying to break me mentally, of courseBecause... Arch Nemesis!!!).  Yes.  I see everything so fucking clearly now.  

I must write to keep the clowns away.  I must do this so they don't come for me in my sleep.

What?  Do you think I'm overreacting?  Well, lets just take a look at my last package then, shall we?

What could be so horrifying in such a tiny package??  P.S.  I googled "Big Red Nose Emporium" and it's not a real thing.  It's probably code for where the clowns take people to suck their souls out of their assholes and insert said soul into their stupid, horrible noses.

Well, this isn't the things that nightmares are made of.  Not at all.

Oh. Dear. Lord.

I think they are trying to convert me!!!
Yup!!!  This basically says, and quite cleverly I must add, "JOIN US!!!"  I've seen Evil Dead.  This won't end well!!

So, in conclusion, I promise to check back in soon...  For my own safety.  And most likely the world.

I need my very own cape for this shit...